* Date: 06.02.05
* Reading: NME (and some random free book from Hmv)
* Watching: Never Mind the Buzzcocks. (pretty much just Mark Lamarr fitting in 'Hasselhoff' wherever he can, and Bill Bailey talking to his beard, he says is a small South American mammal he's trained to sit extremely still, called Pedro..)
* Listening to: Hard Fi - 'Cash Machine' (that band from Staines) [ can't beat a good old breaking an' entering, 'specially at Heathrow ]
* Eating: Nothing. Last thing was a few chips I hi-jacked earlier and a burger.
* Drinking: Red Bull

So, got up about 2am-ish [this was Saturday, btw], couldn't get back to sleep. Left, I think, about 8. Walked down to the bus stop near the library/church to meet Tash, had the pleasant company of some drunk guy in this shoddy car shouting at me and stopping the traffic. He was creepy.. Then the bus was late, though we did get it to ourselves so, yeah. Uh, picked up food and a hot chocolate from Starbucks (which yes, as usual I spilt down myself). Um, went to get train tickets, proceeded to get on the wrong train. Hey, I'm an idiot. Yeah, they'd switched the Met line and Piccadilly lines about, so we ended up halfway to some far off distant place. Managed to jump off at random stop though.

[ We made one of those hilarious stops in the middle of nowhere ]

Got back on the Piccadilly line to hear the driver announce: "This is Knightsbridge Station.. All change here for Mr Fayed's little corner shop.. Laughs all around, apart from the Americans sitting opposite who didn't get the joke.

Uh, then (failing memory) we uh walked around for a bit. Sat down to lunch, were surrounded by these scary Japanese people and their little scary ass 'pantomime'. I was rocking back and forth about that time..

Covent Garden: Still the worst street performers in the world.

Of course, coming a close second: the cast offs in Slough. The ones who've been shoo-ed out of Windsor for their total.. well, crapness.

Found the place, went in, showed tickets and found the tour thingy we were s'posed to be going on. It was like behind the scenes, and we lucked out by getting the manager, so yeah he had the keys to everything, unlike group numero uno who had jack all. Um, then we watched the main show. 2 and a half hours of people dancing around and loud classical music I'd never heard of, I nearly fell asleep. Would've, if it weren't for my laughing at the guy in the [pink] tights.

That finished, and we were free, yay. Uhm, went back to Hmv, picked up the Athlete album and 3 of those dvds for like £20. And the guy had the nerve to ask me it, again.

Guy behind counter: "So um, how old are you?"
Me: *looks in disbelief* ".. 17"
Guy behind counter: "Do you have any I.D.?"
Me: *rolls eyes* "Uh, no"

He sold me them anyway. Fool, for all he knew I could've been 12. But yeah, rejoiced at finding the Labyrinth, finally. And then got Phonebooth and something my friend wanted. Picked up another coffee, me by then =

And then we went to get the tube back. Man, was it ever crowded.

Driver: "Hmm, this is like that tv advert, I hope the person next to you is wearing a good deodorant!" Many a snigger.

Later, again, commenting from the driver: "We have what is technically known as a Frank Spencer Situation. Hmm Betty, we've got a little bit of trouble.. Apparently, this train is no longer terminating at Uxbridge, but is in fact, terminating here. I'm sorry about this but I too was under the impression that this train was going to Uxbridge, but 'they' have other ideas. I mean, why tell me - I'm merely the driver.."

So we had to get the one back to Heathrow. Got stuck with a bunch of tourists [ not all tourists are annoying.. just most of them (we seemed to get the most of them) ], a guy reading loudly from a book in French, and another guy blasting hip hop ('Hey must be the monayyy!').

OK, so it's not an official announcement but it should be:
What normally happens is you get on the tube and you see a spare seat, make a beeline for it, sit down (it's always every person for themselves, a good trick is to whole heartedly and single mindedly focus your attention on the seat and give other people 'get lost, that seat is mine' vibes). And only then do you wonder why the seat was empty and people are looking at you strangely. Then you smell the alcohol, then you realise you've sat next to a drunken bore..
Comments like "All right, how are you, then love?", "Fancy a swig", and "You lot are a miserable bunch" are hurled at you. Particularly annoying is the "Cheer up it might never happen". Now until you got on the train and sat next to this man (sorry to be sexist but it's usually a man), you never realised you were miserable in the first place. However, you certainly are now and you try to avoid eye contact and read something. But the drunken droning bore will not be deterred. "What's that you're reading then?", or "Come on darling give us a smile". The only thing that works here is to give as good as you get and drone onto him about how you would be miserable if you hadn't had a drink and the cost of things nowadays and don't you feel old running for the train, and don't policemen look younger and younger these days, and isn't the price of lager ridiculous, etc, etc. You get my drift. Just make sure they can't get a word in edgeways and with a bit of luck they'll fall into a drunken slumber or leg it off the train to avoid you.

Anyways, back in Hounslow [after managing to escape] at the barrier, I got stuck behind a man laden with luggage who asked to be allowed through the gate. Naively, the guy asked for his ticket. Luckily, the gentlemen was happy to put him straight, at no charge. "You f?***&%g c**t. You want to see my f?***%g ticket do you. You want me to put all my bags down to show you my f?*&&g ticket? I'll show it to you when I'm f?***g through, you f?***g c**t.." Meekly suggesting that showing him the ticket either side would require him to put down his luggage made no difference..

Still, not as memorable as our afformentioned journey where I collided with a poor elderly woman in front of everybody.

P.s. Next time I drop myself in it and end up somehow going along to the ballet.. Please, someone have the decency to shoot me.